HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AS AN ADULT

Phoenix Fortay
Jan 21
4 min read

"Male loneliness epidemic" this "Male loneliness epidemic" that! , Mean while women over the age of 25 cant even go out for a coffee date due to having no sociable friends. It can feel really disheartening to go onto Instagram and see women our age at weddings, going out for dinners and doing all these sociable things when your stuck letting 'time pass' because you and your previous friends grew apart.

I know exactly how you feel, After battling chronic illness for two years, my friends are no where to be seen, Leaving me to feel stuck, working from home and going on friend dates with my fiancé, Bless his heart he is a truly great friend, But I long for feminine connections with likeminded women... And I know you feel the exact same way

I can not stress this enough, Your situation is not only common, but very VERY normal. It is not a fault of your personality, interest, or chemistry. This epidemic is structural.

For example: back in 1950, the Women who didn't work would get up bright and early, hair makeup, clean up and then they would open their curtains to let their friendly neighbours know that they where ready for visitors. The local women would spend tea time together, chatting and gossiping and making plans for their homes, families and non profits. Although this might not be what we want now-days, its a great example how the structure of modern society has let us down, not personal faults. Now day your lucky if you even know your neighbours name!

What is a friend as an Adult?

Ault friendships don't require full chemistry or connection. I refer to adult friendships as seasonal. I personally make it very clear to my new found friendships that I'm not the friend that will go out clubbing, gossip negatively or promote poor thinking, But if they want to cook dinner together, make exciting plans for the future and experience a softer friendship... IM YA GIRL!

The biggest blessing would obviously to find a friend that also enjoys these activities regularly, But I have many friends that enjoy my company in seasons, and I'm very happy with that. Women after the age of 25 live full lives with work, children/ families, health and more so expecting a constant friendships from a inevitable inconsistent life is unrealistic.

Common types of adult friendships

Low-maintenance friends
Circumstantial friends (gym, work, hobby)
Emotional-support friends (rare and built over time)

“Friendship isn’t all-or-nothing. Most adult friendships grow sideways before they grow deep.”

Where Adult Friendships Actually Form

Concrete places:

Work-adjacent spaces
Classes, workshops, gyms
Volunteering
Online spaces that move offline
Friends-of-friends (underrated)

The Fortay club membership (Currently FREE for 3 months!) is a great place to meet those likeminded friends you are longing for. meeting through a webinar can easily lead to friendships offline. As much as I wanna say "Put yourself out there" what I really mean is "Water your own grass and people will naturally be drawn to you"

Join Fortay Club membership

How to Initiate Without Feeling Desperate or Awkward

Examples of low-pressure invites:

“I’m grabbing coffee after this—want to join?”
“I usually walk here on Sundays if you ever want to come”
“I’m thinking of checking that place out next week”

Reframe rejection:

A declined invite ≠ personal rejection
Timing matters more than interest

Note: Sometimes its just gonna be awkward, Sometimes it will be fun but not quiet what your looking for. But it matters more that you are open and active in creating friendships then not trying at all.

How to Maintain a friendship

Keep them in the loop ( update them on your life, tell them your thoughts, invite them to your activities)
Vice Vera, Ask them for updates, Let them know you want to be included and have interest in their personal life.
Have a routine (Sunday tea time, gym sessions, yoga classes, bushwalks, Friday night drinks ect)
Call them just to chat ( This is a good option for your friends who have younger children, and it gives them a nice break from their daily HELL)

Emotional Barriers That Quietly Get in the Way

Fear of being “too much” or “not enough”
Hyper-independence after past hurt
Assuming you’re the only one who wants connection

Note: Wanting connection doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re human.

When Friendship Feels Hard Because You’re Struggling

It’s okay if your capacity is limited
Friendship can grow slowly
You don’t need to be “healed” to be worthy of friends

Note: You are allowed to build friendships at the pace your life allows.

If you've taken anything away from this blog post I hope that it is the following:

You are not "Friendless due to personal faults.
Adult friendships are simple, valuable and should feel comfortable.
Adult friendships need to be maintained to grow.
You don't need to be 'more' or 'less' of anything to deserve friendships
Create friendships that benefit your life, not take away from it, or demand more then you can offer
And lastly, don't be the objective. Allow yourself to be seen and heard.